Life in Fife!

Before I begin, I feel I should tell you that this post more about "Life in the Dalgety Bay/Inverkeithing Area...rather than Fife as a whole."
-But that doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it now? :)

Anyway, the only place to begin is by telling you that 'Life in Fife' isn't quite as glamorous as some infamous television adverts may make it seem.
That's right. I'm referring to that godforsaken "We're for fife" bollocks.
Incase you haven't witnessed the horror before, do so at your own risk:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJiGxDnJaN8

Dreadful. Isn't it?

From personal experience, I find that life in this area is tedious and dull. I would seriously struggle to name 10 places of interest in and around the Dalgety Bay area.
In Dalgety Bay, we have a sports centre. And that's it, because let's face it, our beaches aren't exactly up to scratch. What with all the 'radiation business.'
Yes, there's also a Tesco and an Asda, but they're just shops. They hardly make a town any more fascinating.
And the thing is, I am not alone in thinking this. Apparently, Dalgety Bay is in the phenomenal list of places up for the award of worst place to live in Britain.
Why?
It seems that people are aware of our lack of community spirit. That's right. Someone spilled the beans, and now the world knows that we, as residents, don't seem to care too much about where we live.
Ah well, it's true after all.

And I would like to take this chance to thank Matthew Hansen for providing me with this information about the "crap town" award. I picked it up after listening to his Friday evening show - 'The Friday Night Lounge' on Queen Margaret Hospital Radio Station, Radio West Fife.

So, that's the plugging done for Matthew's radio show.
Good.

But as I was saying, Dalgety Bay: Not great if I'm honest.
But it seems golden once I compare to the next lot!

Inverkeithing. Sorry, I mean, "DIVIT!"
I don't even think it's necessary to go into any detail, because I can just mention the name.
Divit.
Seriously?
Naming a town after a word which also means "A hole in the ground" isn't exactly what I would call a compliment.
I just don't get it?
If they were so desperate to give their own town a nickname which stabs you in the back (Which also hear is a common past-time of Divit) then why didn't they just call it, 'Shit?'
I think it's better suited. :)

But also, there's Rosyth.
Now don't get me wrong. If you're all for experiencing life-threatening stabbings on a regular basis, and enjoy 'shooting up' behind the bins of the Co-op; Then by all means, move to Rosyth.
Please.
But I wouldn't recommend it for people who like keeping their organs intact.

All I can say about Aberdour is: There is a level of 'posh-ness' that is required for your family to live there.
When you bid for a home in Aberdour, a questionairre will most likely ask you something along the lines of;
"How often have you eaten pheasant/swan and caviar in the past 6 months?"
If your answer is below seven, I'm sorry- refused access.
I say it's best to leave them alone, bathing in their own ego.

Though, despite all of this, Fife - for whatever reason it may be (because I can't figure out why) - is still an enjoyable place to live. Even though there is nothing interesting in the near area, and that most of us will probably end up stabbed before we're 25.

It may be a shitehole; but it's home!

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Ps. If anyone has any problems with the topics discussed in this post, then please keep them to yourself.
Or you will endure my continuous laughter at your complaint while you are telling me it. :)

Au Revior

Exams!

As I am sure you are all aware; The exams are looming. Less than a month until we will be forced to sit in a room, for mind-numbingly long hours, writing a load of bollocks about some guy in a book that nobody even cares about. Of course, this is just the english paper. Why on earth they decided putting the epitome of tedious dullness at the beginning of exam leave, I do not know. But then again, we'll be glad it's out of the way once we're finished, and we'll have the agonising 2 month wait for our results. Oh the joy...

Personally, I see the exams as a way of the world finding out "who's the thickest?" The SQA must have a right old laugh at some of the answers that have been scribbled down with next to no time remaining in the exam.
Well, maybe that's not entirely true, but you know who I despise the most during exams?
The invigilators!
What do they do?! From what I know, all that happens is that we work our socks off for hours on end while they prance up and down the aisles inbetween the desks, furiously staring down any slight movement we may do that isn't part of putting a pen to paper!
"Christ sake I wasn't cheating! It's just a tissue!"...or something to that effect.

I remember before one of my 4th year exams (physics i think) and we they were around 20 minutes late to opening the exam. So Daniel and I passed the time by coming up with theories as to why they were so late. Needless to say, considering how "mature" a mind I have, they all involved gangbangs or drug abuse...still, more entertaining than the exam itself, or the attitudes of the invigilator's as we entered the exam trying to stop ourselves from laughing any more, we still cared about our grades after all. ;)
I say we hunt down the invigilators one by one and make their breed extinct!
Too far? xD

I got a 2 in that paper by the way...I claim it was because of the invigilators being late, not because I didn't revise.

Speaking of revision, any ideas what I'm currently not doing?
That's because I've been writing this damn blog post, which is probably more pointless than the last!
Stupid distractions, you'll make me fail my exams! You stop me revising!

...But let's face it, I wouldn't have been doing any revision anyway. ;)

Why I support the best team!

Giving a blog a go after all then! ;)

Those of you that know me will have done one thing by now; began to laugh excessively at this post's title. Understandably of course. For those of you who are entirely unaware of who I am and who I support: Thank god! An appraised stalker already!
But to cut to the chase, I am a proud supporter of Livingston FC. :)

But before you continue to endulge yourself in puddles of your own laughter, hear me out:

Okay yes, Livingston are, most probably, ranked in the bottom ten of Scottish and English League Clubs. (SPL -> 3rd Divison / Premiership -> League 2) This, as I am sure you will agree, is a fair judgement of the quality of Livingston FC's football. If we were to host a match against Manchester United, the giants of British football, for example, we would undoubtedly be slaughtered by at least 5 goals, nine times out of ten. Or even in a match against the likes of Queen of the South, or Dunfermline, we'd still lose the majority of the time.
Take a look at the players even! Roddy McKenzie? Rejected by Livi previously, then rejected by Dunfermline, so we took him back? Are we that desperate eh?
Apparently so.
And most of the other players are younger than myself. No wonder we concede so many late goals, half the team have to get home early because their mums have phoned, and their dinner's ready!

So what have we established so far then?
Livingston are pish. Sounds about right.
But that's the beauty of supporting Livingston. There is no downhill. Everything seems to be up from here on in.
Since being demoted to Scotland's bottom teir for having a twatty Italian ownership, we couldn't sink much, if any, lower. We were right back where we had started 15 years previous. And 15 years ago, in our first ever season, we were crowned 3rd Division Champions. And with a draw at home to Forfar at the weekend, we will have done the exact same this season!

Livingston have won 70% of league games this season. And 64% of all competitive fixtures! In Scotland, only Rangers have a higher win percentage, and in England, it's only Newport County with a huge 77%!! (But they're in the conference, so they don't count! xD)
That makes us a great team to support, as our fans will have had smiles on our faces for much more of the season than the rest of you. :)
Can't argue with that.

So right now you might be thinking, "So you support the best team, because you're rubbish and you've wons a lot of games in a crap league?"
No.
That's not why.
That'd be stupid. Nobody said Livingston was the best team. :)
I've just been telling you about them.

I also support Scotland y'know.
Think you'll all agree, Scotland are the best team!
Am I right? ;)